Sa huling pagkakataon…

Sa unang pagkakataon, iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kitang maalala sa bawat minuto. Iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kong maalala ang bawat detalye ng iyong mukha. Iguguhit ko kung paano tumataas ang iyong mga kilay sa tuwing may hindi ka nagugustuhan, kung paano ang iyong mga mata ay nawawala sa tuwing ikaw ay tumatawa, kung paano ang iyong mga labi ay gumagalaw sa tuwing ika’y nagsasalita na kahit na paulit ulit lang naman ang iyong mga sinasabi ay pinagtitiisan kong pakinggan, kung paano ang iyong noo ay kumukunot sa tuwing inaasar kita. Iguguhit kita mahal ko gamit ang mga alaalang iniwan mo sa akin.

Sa pangalawang pagkakataon iguguhit kita sa paraang maalala kita sa umaga. Iguguhit ko kung paano ang iyong mga pisngi ay namamaga pa mula sa mahabang pagtulog, kung paano ang iyong buhok ay gulo gulo pa, kung paano ang iyong mga mata ay may muta pa na kahit na ganoon ay ang sarap pa rin titigan, kung paano mo hawakan ang iyong tiyan dahil ika’y gutom na, na kahit na tumaba ka pa, mas mahahalin pa sana kita, kaso mahal nagkulang nga pala ako. Akala ko nabusog na kita ng pagmamahal ko.
Sa pangatlong pagkakataon, iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kitang maalala sa hapon. Iguhuhit ko kung paano ka inaantok tuwing alas dos ng hapon, kung paano ang iyong mga mata ay namumungay dahil ika’y antukin, kung paano ang araw ay tumatama sa mga mata mo, kung paano mo hawakan ang mga kamay ko nang mahigpit at sabihin sa aking mahal mo ako na para bang ipinapahiwatig nitong hindi mo ako bibitawan. Pero  mahal ko, ako na lang ang nakakapit.
Sa pangapat na pagkakataon iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kitang maalala sa dapit hapon. Iguguhit ko kung paano mo titigan nang may ngiti sa labi mo ang paglubog ng araw habang  pinagmamasdan kita, kung paano mo ako yakapin at sabihing kasing ganda ko ang langit, kung paano ka kasaya at hinihiniling ko na sana wag na matapos itong araw na ito, kaso tapos na, iniwan na ng araw ang ang langit.
Sa panglimang pagkakataon, iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kitang maalala sa gabi. Iguguhit ko kung paano ka naiinis, umiiyak,  tumatawa sa mga teleseryeng paulit ulit lang naman ng kwento, kung paano mo nilalabanan ang antok mo matapos mo lang ang pinapanuod mo, kung paano ka nakakatulog sa kakanuod ng kung ano ano, kung paano mong iniiwang bukas ang telebisyon. Hindi mo sinara, natapos nang walang nagsara.
Sa huling pagkakataon, iguguhit kita sa paraang hindi na kita maalala. Iguguhit ko ang mukha mo sa paraang makakalimutan kita. Iibahin ko bawat detalye sa mukha mo, hindi ko na isasama ang nunal mo sa kanang pisngi, hindi ko iguguhit ang makapal mong kilay, kung paano ka tumawa, kung paano mo ako ngitian, kung paano mo ako titigan, kung paano mo ako tawaging ‘mahal ko’ hindi ko iguguhit ang mukha mo na may bahid na kasiyahan. Oo hindi. Kahit sana sa papel makita kong malungkot ka sa pagkawala ko.  Sa huling pagkakataon, iguguhit kita saparaang hindi na kita mamahalin.

She was there…

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He was crying at the staircase when they first met. The story behind it was he was being bullied by the cool kids, the bullies took his lunch box and he got nothing to do but to sit there and cry. She witnessed what had happened and she offered him her sandwich instead. She told him that she was already full and gave him her sweetest smile. So he accepted her sandwich and started eating it and so was their friendship.

She had always been there for him in times of good and bad and worse. She was there when he got accepted to the univerity’s basketball league. She was his number one fan, always in the front row of the bleachers cheering for him with a banner saying ‘you can do it, you’re the best, MY MVP’ . However he just looked at her, but never smiled. He never said thank you.

She was always taking care of him especially when he was sick. She skipped class just to be with him. Whenever he got failing grades, she was there to comfort him and give advices that would lighten his mood. She made jokes hoping that he would laugh but he just gave her his poker face concealing his true feelings. He wanted to laugh but chose to hide it to her.

She was there in his graduation day. She wore a red dress because she knew that he would wear a red tuxedo, but when he removed his toga-academic dress, she was surprised to see that he was wearing a blue tux. He knew about her plan and he did not want them to look like a sweet couple wearing couple formal clothes.

The thing about him was he took her for granted because he thought that she would always be there for him. He thought that  she would not leave him. He thought that she would never get tired of being sweet and caring to him. He thought that she would never stop loving him. But they were just thoughts.

She was there when he was crying but he refused to accept her handkerchief. She was there when no one else could understand him. She was there to make him happy and smile but he just hid his laughter. She was there when he couldn’t realize that he also loves her.

The problem about him is, he always tries to push people away before they leave and hurt him and if ever he doesn’t succeed, he himself walks away. He tries to push people away until it is too late to realize that they are important.

Now she is not there, he is still there, waiting for her to come back. He wants to say ‘I love you’ but she’s not there anymore.  He  has never felt so hurt like this before, as far as he remember, the last time a thing hurt him was the sandwich incident. He feels like he can’t endure the throbbing pain in his chest right now. It’s like someone is stabbing his heart succeedingly and he’s got nothing to do but to let his tears go and so is their friendship and wasted love story.

Atelophobia

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photo credits : http://aglasshalf-full.com/

She felt like a mouse. She thinks everyone around her is eyeing on her. They seem like big cats to her chimera. Every time she does something, she feels like she has never been good enough and never will be. She only gets horrified looks from her friends or should we say more of being critics. Some days she just feels like she is being played by one of the big cats before making its final blow. It seems that the big cat is toying her by scratching her confidence and self-worth using its paws and whetted claws. She even thought of eating the cheese inside the mouse trap because she believes maybe if she ate that, this madness would stop and those big cats could never touch her again.

The Color Of Mistake

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Edited, Photo credits: Collegegloss.com

Her: Why do we always use red crayon to color the heart?

Him: Because it’s the color of the blood and the heart has it?
Her: No, it’s because our hearts are always wrong, we are never right. Our hearts are never true, they just make us feel in love but no, who says we are in love? We are just foolishes of love.

We use red crayon,  red color pencil, red marker, red oil pastel, red paint and any material that can color you can name, for the heart. It seems like it is already mandatory to color the heart red, I don’t know where did they get that idea that heart should be colored like that. It’s like we aim to mend the broken heart on the drawing, we act like we are picking the fragmented pieces of the broken heart. It’s shattered because no one was able to catch the heart when it was already falling. We fall because we thought things can be different, hearts can be different but thoughts are only thoughts, they can never be reality. Hearts are always wrong and they deceive us.

Him: (laughs sarcasticly) And what’s the connection of color red on that?

Her: Don’t laugh. It’s the same thing when it comes to our test papers, we use red ballpen to correct our mistakes. (Hands him a red crayon and gives him her heart)

The Lost Star

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He is a lost star trying to find his way back home up to the heavens and the universe in the midst of the darkness but it turned out that people on his journey have needed him so he has decided to stop there for a while, they need him so much to the point that they use him as their light during the night but they never look or give a single glance at him during the day. They take him for granted. He felt happy at first because he thought he would never going back home again. He thought, that abusive place would be his second home but it did not happen. The thing is he is too nice, too kind, too childish, too innocent and too noob to differentiate whether those people are loving him or just using him. He is too good for everyone.

Sorry for this crap. 😦

Nothing Compared To Him

Her: Why are you doing stuff like this?

Him: What do you mean?

Her: You’re struggling to play guitar, your fingers are swelling but you still keep on learing it. Then later you’re gonna read your “How To Be Fluent In French” book when in fact it’s not related to your program and course. Then after that you would write a depressing story again that doesn’t believe in fairytales. You are also trying hard to perfect your muffins. Why are you doing these things? Why do you want to learn them at the same time?

Him: Because you told me that I am nothing.

Her: I never told you that.

Him: Yes you did. You told me that he is a musician that he can sing and play guitar, that he is fluent in French and Spanish, that he is full of ideas and can turn thoughts and ideas into life. You told me that your favorite food is muffin. And lastly you told me that you love him. Maybe you would love me too if I learned these things.

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