Too Far

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You would always be that horizon, always too far to be reached.

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Sa huling pagkakataon…

Sa unang pagkakataon, iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kitang maalala sa bawat minuto. Iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kong maalala ang bawat detalye ng iyong mukha. Iguguhit ko kung paano tumataas ang iyong mga kilay sa tuwing may hindi ka nagugustuhan, kung paano ang iyong mga mata ay nawawala sa tuwing ikaw ay tumatawa, kung paano ang iyong mga labi ay gumagalaw sa tuwing ika’y nagsasalita na kahit na paulit ulit lang naman ang iyong mga sinasabi ay pinagtitiisan kong pakinggan, kung paano ang iyong noo ay kumukunot sa tuwing inaasar kita. Iguguhit kita mahal ko gamit ang mga alaalang iniwan mo sa akin.

Sa pangalawang pagkakataon iguguhit kita sa paraang maalala kita sa umaga. Iguguhit ko kung paano ang iyong mga pisngi ay namamaga pa mula sa mahabang pagtulog, kung paano ang iyong buhok ay gulo gulo pa, kung paano ang iyong mga mata ay may muta pa na kahit na ganoon ay ang sarap pa rin titigan, kung paano mo hawakan ang iyong tiyan dahil ika’y gutom na, na kahit na tumaba ka pa, mas mahahalin pa sana kita, kaso mahal nagkulang nga pala ako. Akala ko nabusog na kita ng pagmamahal ko.
Sa pangatlong pagkakataon, iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kitang maalala sa hapon. Iguhuhit ko kung paano ka inaantok tuwing alas dos ng hapon, kung paano ang iyong mga mata ay namumungay dahil ika’y antukin, kung paano ang araw ay tumatama sa mga mata mo, kung paano mo hawakan ang mga kamay ko nang mahigpit at sabihin sa aking mahal mo ako na para bang ipinapahiwatig nitong hindi mo ako bibitawan. Pero  mahal ko, ako na lang ang nakakapit.
Sa pangapat na pagkakataon iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kitang maalala sa dapit hapon. Iguguhit ko kung paano mo titigan nang may ngiti sa labi mo ang paglubog ng araw habang  pinagmamasdan kita, kung paano mo ako yakapin at sabihing kasing ganda ko ang langit, kung paano ka kasaya at hinihiniling ko na sana wag na matapos itong araw na ito, kaso tapos na, iniwan na ng araw ang ang langit.
Sa panglimang pagkakataon, iguguhit kita sa paraang kaya kitang maalala sa gabi. Iguguhit ko kung paano ka naiinis, umiiyak,  tumatawa sa mga teleseryeng paulit ulit lang naman ng kwento, kung paano mo nilalabanan ang antok mo matapos mo lang ang pinapanuod mo, kung paano ka nakakatulog sa kakanuod ng kung ano ano, kung paano mong iniiwang bukas ang telebisyon. Hindi mo sinara, natapos nang walang nagsara.
Sa huling pagkakataon, iguguhit kita sa paraang hindi na kita maalala. Iguguhit ko ang mukha mo sa paraang makakalimutan kita. Iibahin ko bawat detalye sa mukha mo, hindi ko na isasama ang nunal mo sa kanang pisngi, hindi ko iguguhit ang makapal mong kilay, kung paano ka tumawa, kung paano mo ako ngitian, kung paano mo ako titigan, kung paano mo ako tawaging ‘mahal ko’ hindi ko iguguhit ang mukha mo na may bahid na kasiyahan. Oo hindi. Kahit sana sa papel makita kong malungkot ka sa pagkawala ko.  Sa huling pagkakataon, iguguhit kita saparaang hindi na kita mamahalin.

You’re Gonna Miss Me When I’m Gone

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If ever Love failed to make us stay, you would remember me in everything that you will do just like what I’m feeling for you everyday, how I see you in everything I do.

When you wake up, you would miss my good morning messages that always reminds you to eat well, to stay safe and to have a great day.

When you’re about to sip your coffee, you would remember me for I’m not allowed to drink that and you were always there to say no. But by that time please know that I would be drinking black coffee just to stay awake and to avoid you in my dreams.

When you’re about to eat your meal, you would remember how I always annoy you to eat more than you wanted because I want you to be huggable. You would lose your appetite just the thought of me being gone. But please no, I would be sad. Please eat well.

When you’re about to go to school or let’s say to work, you would miss my endless “please be safe, message me when you’re already there” messages.

When you’re about to look at our old pictures, you would notice how happy we were before and you would regret and wonder what happened to us.

When you’re about to listen to my voice messages, you would realize how lucky you were that I was so inspired to sing for you, you would miss those laughters between my songs, how I was out of tune and how I was stuttering.

When you’re about to study, you would miss my reminders to you to study well and don’t play video games till you’re not finsh. I would still know that you would still choose to play first before to study, I know you that well.

When you’re about to play video games, you would miss being irritated because there would be no me that annoys and floods you messages that keeps on telling you that you’re not making me your priority.

When you’re about to open your social medias, you would miss how your notifications were flooded . They would be empty for no one is flooding you anymore.

When you’re about to make a poem, you would miss how I wanted to recieve many from you, by that time you would be full of ideas but you have no one to give those to.

When you’re about to read our old conversations, you would miss me, you would miss how sweet I was before, how I managed to tell you how much I loved you.

If ever you feel down and lonely, you would miss how clingy I was to you, how I told you things that you’re not a failure, that you were a blessing to me, that I was there for you. I meant those words.

When you’re about to sleep, you would miss my good night messages telling you to sleep tight, have a sweet dreams, and dream of me. You would be a awake for hours thinking how am I doing now or do I even miss you.

If you ever really miss me, just let me know, I’m just one call away, I might tell you I miss you too.

And when you’re about to realize that you still love me, you would miss me, because I would be gone by that time for you just have realized it too late.