There was a girl who likes to catch stars every night. Interstellar sky- that was the life she would always love to live.
But the very next day, she was mesmerized by how the moon smiles to her. By how the moon stays with her every time during starless nights When the stars are not there to comfort her during her sleepless nights, stressed hours at 3 am’s, paranoid mindset and scary room. By how its round, grayish appearance makes her calm. By how its mysteriousness makes her curious, wanting every details about him.
From then on, she always waits the sky to dim, the sun to sets, the moon to shines disregarding the little stars. She constantly falls in love with the moon every night, for the first time without even realizing it. This time she wanted to catch the moon not knowing the he was already hers. Time came where she already knew what she was up to and she said I love you.
But a moonless night came. And how witless she was to look upon to stars again. How stupid she was to think those little stars are better than her moon. They are nothing compared to her moon, she knows it deep inside but she’s stubborn enough to be mad. The moon got upset. And she’s not even sure what to do, cursing every little stars. Realizing her mistake, she’s not sure of herself anymore.
But there’s one thing she is sure of, she’s staying with her moon, hoping that he would never leave her.
I am always hoping that one day I would wake up feeling nothing at all, because I hate feeling everything. I hate feeling down, I hate feeling stressed, I hate feeling busted, I hate feeling unwanted, I hate feeling taken for granted, I hate having feelings.
I don’t know if I really hate being sensible or I just hate myself. I am always telling myself that I will also get used to all these feelings but as my mind and heart would have it, I’m still not used to it and I even think I will never be. I’m tired of giving a darn to people, to people who don’t know my worth. I’m already tired of showing them how I love them, how I miss them and how I need them. It is just nothing to them. It’s like they are thinking that I’m just always here for them no matter what happen, well NO. I’m tired of you guys. I’m not going to chase after you anymore. I’ve realize that I would be happier with other people-those who’s always there for me if I would let go all of you. I’ve come to know that I’m too worthy to chase and be clingy to people who doesn’t give a care to my sentiments. And I’m not gonna feel nor say sorry anymore for feeling those emotions because it’s not my fault anyway.
If you give me that treatment, then I would just return to you that treatment you are giving me.
If they need me as much a I need them, they would make an effort for me to feel it. If they love me as much as I love them, I wouldn’t feel like I am just an option, like I am just a past time. Of course, whenever they need a favor from me, I’m just a one chat and call away and I would help them anyway though I know that they are just being like that because they just need something again from me. I’m that stupid. The unfair part is, I’m just always here waiting for them to miss me while they are enjoying other things. And the worse question is what if they don’t really miss me? What if they are just pretending because they need something from me?
If you miss me, message me, talk to me, make me aware of it. Ugh no. Don’t do it if you just miss me, if you just bored or if you just feel that you need to be in touch with me. I want you to feel that I’m special, that I’m worthy, that you love me, then that’s the only premise you can give to yourself if you want to talk to me. Don’t make me feel like I’m not a priority, that l am not important.
Dear ‘I don’t know who you are but we’re gonna be cute together someday’ Anonymous
I like to watch old movies, because they are the naked type of ideas, unlike today’s conceptions that are full of unrealistic scenes that are not gonna happen in real life. I want to watch old movies with you but I think you won’t like me when we watch together.
I will just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk until the movie ends. I will annoy you by asking a hundred questions about the plot of the movie. I hope you get chafed. And if ever your facial expression became odd or somewhat ill, it would please me very much because that would be the time I will irritate you even more.
I can’t keep my focus on the movie because there is a lot of ideas coming to my head. Non sense ideas, like why aren’t you eating your pop corn or why does your hair standing like that or why are you so concentrated on that movie? Look at me, talk to me, answer my questions.
I can’t understand the whole movie without someone explaining it to me part by part because I hate listening to the aggravating accents of the actors and actresses, it’s like they are eating their words. I need subtitles.
You would get tired of me If I did this to you right? But please don’t get cheesed off at me. Would you still love me?
Dear ‘I don’t know who you are but please bear with me someday’ anonymous,
I always get nightmares, I wake up at 3 am to 4 am so expect that I will also wake you up unintentionally. I will not literally wake you up by shaking your body, tapping your cheeks or calling you darlingly by our endearment. I’ll just cry or maybe just hug you depending on what just have happened on my nightmares. I’ll do the most subtle things to wake you up that will let you know that I badly need you. Please don’t get mad at me.
I will tell you how the monsters under my bed are trying to get me, it’s like they are succeedingly pulling my legs trying to drag me down with them. I hope you are vigilant enough to watch me while I sleep. Sometimes she is just a white lady staring intensely and creepily at my direction. She wants to get my blanket. Sometimes I thought they come from my closet, they are a bunch of eerie creatures teleporting from different places heading to me, they are chanting strange words to me, trying to get me from you, please don’t let me go. Get me a blanket. I hope you would still love me.
Don’t let others influence your decision, thoughts and your way of thinking. Don’t let them affect your happiness. If the herd is heading to the east, it doesn’t mean that you should also go the east, go to the west if this is what your heart says. Don’t mind others, be different, don’t be afraid of the people’s impossible standards that would only prevent you from doing what you think is best. Do what you want but of course make it sure that it would please God. Carpe Diem