I am always hoping that one day I would wake up feeling nothing at all, because I hate feeling everything. I hate feeling down, I hate feeling stressed, I hate feeling busted, I hate feeling unwanted, I hate feeling taken for granted, I hate having feelings.
I don’t know if I really hate being sensible or I just hate myself. I am always telling myself that I will also get used to all these feelings but as my mind and heart would have it, I’m still not used to it and I even think I will never be. I’m tired of giving a darn to people, to people who don’t know my worth. I’m already tired of showing them how I love them, how I miss them and how I need them. It is just nothing to them. It’s like they are thinking that I’m just always here for them no matter what happen, well NO. I’m tired of you guys. I’m not going to chase after you anymore. I’ve realize that I would be happier with other people-those who’s always there for me if I would let go all of you. I’ve come to know that I’m too worthy to chase and be clingy to people who doesn’t give a care to my sentiments. And I’m not gonna feel nor say sorry anymore for feeling those emotions because it’s not my fault anyway.
If you give me that treatment, then I would just return to you that treatment you are giving me.
If they need me as much a I need them, they would make an effort for me to feel it. If they love me as much as I love them, I wouldn’t feel like I am just an option, like I am just a past time. Of course, whenever they need a favor from me, I’m just a one chat and call away and I would help them anyway though I know that they are just being like that because they just need something again from me. I’m that stupid. The unfair part is, I’m just always here waiting for them to miss me while they are enjoying other things. And the worse question is what if they don’t really miss me? What if they are just pretending because they need something from me?
If you miss me, message me, talk to me, make me aware of it. Ugh no. Don’t do it if you just miss me, if you just bored or if you just feel that you need to be in touch with me. I want you to feel that I’m special, that I’m worthy, that you love me, then that’s the only premise you can give to yourself if you want to talk to me. Don’t make me feel like I’m not a priority, that l am not important.